EDs suck :(

What an awful disease. 

I'm so grateful for all the support i receive from my treatment team and friends and family as well. It makes me so sad to know there are lots of people out there who are not getting the treatment they require. 

If you are struggling with an ed please pleaaasee ask for help, there's a LIFE waiting for you full of joy and self love. I swear it's possible. 

Hugs and light for all of you and remember, 

If you believe it's possible you are half way there 😘

GRETA

First dessert with friends :)

Alfajor de coco con dulce de leche (coconut caramel saaandwiichhh)

Yum yum yummm

 Recovery's gooood, yeap.

Love

GRETA

There is a light that never goes out

Lol i can never focus my camera and my face is always cut in half haha

Today's a beautiful day. The sun is shining and it's really hot (bear in mind over here it's winter so its not normal to have 25 degrees! thanks global warming for that). I can't wait for spring to come! Haaaate the cold weather arghh that's why today i'm in a special mood. 

My mood is directly proportional to the weather. It's as simple as that

Love ❤

GRETA

Pandemonium

BETWEEN HEAVEN AND HELL

Another one of my works of art. 

Acrylic and modeling clay for relief, October 2010.

XO

GRETA

Picture Memories #5

Ginger cookie house at xmas time 2012

I had such a fun time with my family, the only thing i regret is not tasting the cookies we made together :( i was very very sick at the time

Isn't it lovely? :)

Hugs and light to everyone struggling out there

I am here for any question/suggestion/advice you might have

Just leave me a message or email me to greta.lafox@gmail.com

GRETA ❤

My Sculptures

This one was my all time favorite. Sadly i had some humidity problems and it broke. I had to throw it away :'( it was so sad.

This is Anubis, the egyptian god of death that has a human body and a dog face.

Hope u all liked it :)

GRETA

Homemade Choco Chip Cookies

Baked by one of my besties ❤ yum yumm

Picture Memories #4 (TW)

Why is it that i see this picture and i feel sadness and nostalgy at the same time? I envy my former self. Sick sick mind of mine :'(

Tea time

A lovely afternoon with a lovely friend :)

I haven't seen her for 6 months, since before starting recovery so when she saw me yesterday looking healthier she was so happy for me. And it was nice being able to share some toasts and coffee with her without having anxiety!

So i guess there's life after anorexia :)

Though still not completely cured, but surely everything feels easier as time goes by.

Love

GRETA

Picture memories #3

Picnic with my beautiful mom by the river, one week before starting treatment.

Tuesdays: baking class days

Aaaajdjdbjs i can't. I just can't ❤

Love

GRETA

Picture memories #2 TW

Pre ED body.

At this time i hated my body so much i wanted to lose weight desperately. I was at the heaviest weight i've ever been and my gym instructor told me i should lose 4 pounds. 

This picture was taken the same month i started restricting for the first time in my life. I lost 50 pounds after this. Took it too far.

I have gained 30 pounds since starting recovery and am absolutely terrified of gaining the last ones. But if i have to be honest with myself at present, looking at this picture i can't see the hideous body i saw at that time. I just see a sad girl who was afraid of living.

Love Mischa

You go girl! embrace those curvesss

Aaaaajdjfbs just love her ❤

Picture memories

Old pic from when still not suffering from anorexia. Didn't i look happy? :)

E.T.

Lol

Tha queeeen of the house

New recovery feelings

Lately i've been restricting and exercising loads and felt that pride i get each time i feel myself lighter. Today was different. I spent the entire afternoon playing with my dog and felt so happy... I cant even remember the last time i felt this way, and i could forget about food and calories for many many hours and that was a much needed mental break. Some months ago when actively starving myself to death i obviously didnt have the energy to move around and play like i did today. 

Little moments like this are the ones that make recovery so damn worth it. TODAY i can say i prefer to be X pounds heavier than skin and bones. And that my friends, is another huuuge step :)

Love u all!

GRETA

Almond :)

Aaaaa ❤ her

My hairy and restless best friend. Lovely afternoon by her side

You look chubbier

Today at my baking class one of my classmates commented: you are chubbier! You look nice and healthier... Dreadful words coming from someone who knows i'm a recovering anorexic, just guess people dont get this disease at all and the most ironic thing is 10 minutes before this happened another girl was asking me whether i had lost weight cause i looked skinnier so i don't get it! Do i look fat, skinny or what the F?!. Every word felt like a bomb exploding inside my head. I started crying in the middle of the class and all my other classmates came to hug me while reassuring i do look bigger but saying that that was a good thing (great comforting mates THANK YOU VERY MUCH). At that very moment while i was wiping away the tears, my thoughts started racing so fast i couldnt keep up with them. But the only thought that remained in me was: im FAT i will have to start restricting again. 

It's not the first time that someone makes a comment of this sort and i'm left in tears. So after my class ended i went to the gym and ran more than i usually do fixating on the calories burned and when i arrived home i just thought how stupid i was for letting someone ruin my recovery progress. I know better than this and even though my disorder tells me endless times to stop eating again i know that's not a solution to anything that's wrong in my life.

Yes i'm fatter than i was before, yes i have gained more than 10 kg already AND YES THANK GOD I DID CAUSE IF NOT I WOULD BE DEAD RIGHT NOW SO JUST GET OVER IT. 

Crappy day

GRETA

Still pushing forward

Lately i've been thinking about all the progress i've made so far. Last year i was starving myself to death until one day i said enough was enough. I couldnt continue living that way nor killing me slowly like that. I wanted LIFE but was so scared to let go my diseased habits cause i didnt know how to cope with my fears in a healthy way. I was engaging in anorexic ways as a distraction from the pain i was carrying but foolish me this was not only distracting me from inner demons but also distracting me from happiness and leading me straight to misery.

Today i can say i've made such a huge effort to smash that unhealthy habits from my life although i know i'm not 100% cured. Sure i may have gained back more than 10 kilos and am closer to health than death but i'm still missing more to reach a healthy bmi for my 5'7 height. And let me tell you that it's as hard for me to gain those last kilos than it was to gain the first ones. I'm not mentally ready, will i ever be? I mean, i wasn't even ready to gain at first but it HAD to happen. I was put on meds for my depression and for the anxiety i was getting from the weight gain. My body was changing very quickly and suddenly i was all swollen from the edema that happens when starting with refeeding. I hated the way i looked and there were days i would burst into tears screaming how fat i was, how everybody tricked me into starting treatment cause they wanted me to balloon up "because you are all so fat and ugly and just envy me" (i know i was a monster). My mom was constantly crying as she didn't know how to deal with me and i would feel like such a crappy person by the way i treated her.

Luckily i dont have that sort of outbursts anymore. I still struggle A LOT with body image and just hate the way i look so i try to evade looking myself in the mirror. But i'm working on it. And until i'm ready to gain that last kilos, i'm gonna remain with this weight. Sure it may not be the best decision but it's what i'm most comfortable with right now. And the important thing is i'm not at risk of death anymore, so that's a huuuuge relieve (and progress, of course).

Love

GRETA

Tea time with friends

I promised to post some pics from my bday party with friends. We were supposed to have a night time party but as some of them werent available, we had tea. Had a massive binge (long time it didnt happen so i'm a little sad about it) since everything was delicious and then my tummy hurt so much i had to take a digestive pill for the nausea :(

But everything was all oh so lovely! Love my laaaadies! It's for moments like this recovery is soo worth it.

My beautiful cooking presents. Ooh friends! They spoil me so much :)

Love

Greta