My worst days of illness

Today im gonna write a little about my background cause im feeling really nostalgic.

Last November when i moved from Italy to Barcelona i was feeling such a joy and excitement about this new stage in my life. I was already sick, but thought this was my chance to make amends with my body and promised myself to try to make things better. I was longing the independence that living abroad would give me. No parents, no friends, i was a newbie in a big big city with no one by my side. Though it sounds really depressing, at that time i didnt see it this way. I thought this experience would make me grow up by force and teach me loads about adulthood. It was time for me to matture.

But things started becoming ugly when the weeks were passing by and i couldnt get a job. Spain is doing so sooo bad in this sense. They dont have enough jobs and imagine me being a foreigner, it was a hundred times worse. So i started to get really depressed and instead of starting to eat more like i promised myself i would, i started eating less and less until one day i couldnt literally get up from bed. It was an awful feeling, i couldnt move, i was REALLY scared.

So i called my sister that lives in London and told her eeeeverything that was going on and that was the day i finally got the courage to ask for help cause my outcome wasnt going to be a nice one at that pace. The next day, she and my dad came to Barcelona to fetch me and my dad took me back to his house in Italy and that's when i decided to start treatment. But i chose to start it in Argentina, here, where i live nowadays, where i was born, where all my friends and family live cause i grew up here and i knew the support from my people was gonna be the basis of my strength for recovery. And i was so damn right. Although i miss Europe and my dad and sister so sooo much, over here im at home, and that doesnt have comparison.

I remember those days in Spain and the dreadful feeling i felt each night i went to sleep thinking: tonight's the day i'll finally die, thanks ED for that.

Anorexia is no fun, no game, no life. It's a twisted seduction that leads you to DEATH. It steals everything from you: your life, friends, family, interests, hopes and happiness. Everything. It leaves you nothing but depression and coldness (inside and out).

Today, i'm able to say I CHOOSE LIFE. And that's the reason i'm fighting so damn hard to beat this disease and believe me, it's not easy at all. I have a mental war going on in my head 24/7.

Love you all to the moon and back ♥
GRETA

My little savior ❤

I'm very glad to present to u all my little princess !!!

Her name is Almendra which means almond in Spanish.

I already love her as if she's been mine for years and years now, though she's only been at home for 4 days ❤

She is sooo playful that she wears me out so i'm glad i'm feeling more energetic lately!

The idea of bringing her home started when a friend suggestes that a dog would help me with my ED recovery as it would bring me lots of joy and love, besides keeping me busy like a mama looking after her and taking my mind off my own problems. And so far it's been really helpful cause i mean, i dont have a free second for myself! She is a really demanding little baby ❤

I already had a cat but it's not the same thing as they are very independent and don't require much attention.

So yeap, been veeeeery happy (and busy!) these last days with her. Love her much much much!

Love u all ❤

GRETA

Bye bye sick looking body

"And yet, i suppose you mourn the loss of what you thought your life was, even if you find it better after. You mourn the future that you thought you'd planned."

Lynn Redgrave



My bones are stopping to show and that makes me crazy. I know i shouldnt feel this way cause protruding bones all over the body are NOT nice at all, but ED plays with my mind and thoughts and i find it really hard to control it. "IT" has still a strong hold on me, so my present job is trying to tame that inner voice that haunts me daily.

So f--- you ED! Im gonna continue eating like im doing, like a NORMAL person does cause i deserve to nourish myself like everyone else and eventually i'll learn to control you, not the other way round. When i wake up im so very grateful to be still alive and every day i feel a little bit stronger than before. I know im doing a good job. I just have to be patient cause reaching recovery is a long long road, uncomfortable and hard, so i just have to hold on inbetween :)

Love u all. Every word from u guys is a joy for my heart ❤
GRETA

Slowly improving... and feeling proud!

I'm happy to say i'm doing better at recovery :)

I felt brave enough to have an egg and cheese sandwich (it's been over a year since i didn't have a sandwich! Crazy i know! Sandwiches are soooo good!!!) and i didn't even feel guilt afterwards so THAT'S a real improvement i'm able to say.
So yeap, feeling really proud of myself.... But keeping my head down on the ground and taking one step at a time. Maybe i'll fall behind again, maybe not, so i try not to overthink too much and just live each day at a time.
Another update is i do feel more energetic lately and that's cause i have gained my first 2 pounds. I know that's a good thing, taking the first steps out of the danger zone weight, but i must admit getting to know that was a lil bit triggering. Mixed feelings and confusion.... I think i'm used to that: hi ED! You can go now, for good. Bye bye!

Love u all! Thanks for your love and support :)
GRETA