Fat fat fat fat

I'm feeling so fat. 

I'd love to pause my thoughts for just 1 day of peace.

                        GRETA

Beauty

Wise Words

Baking Time!

Hi! Just wanted to show you some pics of the things i sell with my baking business... mmm yum yum! Enjoy the view :)

Pastries with custard

Lemon Pie

Butter Cookies

Pasta Frola (quince fruit tart)

Whole Wheat German Beer Bread

Rosca de Pascuas (it's a tradition here in Argentina to bake this for Easter only)

 More Pasta Frola (this one with peach jam)

Ricotta Cake

More German Beer Bread (with plain flour)

Love ♥

GRETA

It Was Me...

Last night i started thinking about everything i've been through last year and realized that although i've started recovery just a few months ago, it feels like it was ages ago. It's weird, one part of me denies it all happened and i'm sure it's my mind's way of coping with such intense feelings.

Looking back, all the darkness and sadness that invaded my soul for such a long time seem to come back to life and it aches so bad, thinking how ill i was and being so resignated at life that i didn't even care asking for help. 

Today i feel pitty for that foolish innocent girl who couldn't see the amount of damage she was doing to herself without consciously knowing it.

It hurts so bad because that girl was me

GRETA

Just Eat The Burger

I can't feel any hunger no more = EDs vicious cycle yet again.

What an awful disease and so messed up... i'm alaways trying to fight it back but it feels like a germ that never stops growing and getting stronger and it's already too attached to my mind. And as one of my dearest friends warned me, once you relapse the chances of chronicity get higher and higher so "watch it".

I wish the solution was as easy as "just eat the damn burger woman".

Yes, people actually do say that, but yeah i know it can be a really missundertood disease for a lot out there so they just can't help it saying idiotic things. Like... do you think i would be in this position if i was mentally able to "just eat the damn burger"?

NO. So please pleaaase think twice before opening your mouth you little ignorant.

Love

GRETA

Live or Die

Lost in the night and darkness that sorrounds me

I can't see

I desperately seek for an exit from this place

But can't find it

My thoughts get blurrier each second that passes by

I'm trapped

In a cage created by myself from where i can't escape

I think and think

Can't find a solution

And lose every tiny drop of hope

I sense no one will be able to save me

So it lays on me the decision

Live or die?

GRETA

Anorexia Update

I'm heading right into a relapse. I've managed to gain almost 10 kg going up from a BMI of roughly 13 to 16 which made me feel really REALLY bad about myself though still underweight. I feel bloated, huuuuge and ugly. And i still need to gain a whole 10 more! So i think: how the hell will i like myself when i'm at a healhy weight if i already despise miyself at this point? It's so confusing.... i DO want to recover! But i'm not being able to cope with the weight gain so my ED thoughts crept all back to my head in a matter of days and now i'm restricting again. It didn't help either the fact that i found an old notebook where i had written all of my food and caloric intake throughout the last half of 2012 and it was too triggering.

I feel like i'm letting down a looot of people who need to see me recovered and above all, i myself feel a failure. I'm really scared and worried as i haven't been feeling well these last days, but as much as i try and try to go back to a more peaceful state of mind, i can't....

I keep thinking and thinking about all of what has happened to me this last year and i can't help but ask: why me? I never ever in my whole life would've thought that i'd suffer from anorexia and nowadays i can't remember how my former self was.

I need my life back. Why won't you dark thoughts just go away? 

I feel so alone :(

GRETA